You do know your opinion can be wrong, right?

I think it’s high time I addressed this, because it has to be the single most annoying thing I come across in nearly every argument/debate I take part in, and I take part in many! Just yesterday someone told me “this is my opinion so it cannot be wrong” – and this morning someone told me “my opinion cannot be bias” – so if I was a young Asian lady who was raped by an older White man, and I came to the conclusion that older White men are rapists, because of my past experience, isn’t my opinion wrong and bias? Correct me if I’m wrong. Bear in mind, things like this do happen. For example, someone may be robbed by a gang of Black kids, or harassed by a homosexual man and form an opinion on everyone similar just because of their experiences. And although it’s human nature, it’s still wrong. 

The fact that people don’t know the difference between fact and opinion is worrying; what’s even worse is when they believe their own opinion can’t be wrong; seriously? Of course it can. My opinion of women could be that they belong in the kitchen or that all same sex parents will make their children gay/lesbian; does that make me right? Is my opinion then the be all and end all? Does it instantly dismiss what you’re saying? No, it’s rude and ignorant and this is what many of you fail to understand. 

The definition of the word opinion (courtesy of Google define) is: ‘A view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.’ – The last part being the most important. Now there are 2 types of opinion, no official names for either (that I’m aware of) – but they are both subjective; in other words based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions. 

Now I will keep these explanations as short and sweet as I possibly can, I will give examples to help you understand what I am talking about better. Let’s say you did not like the Harry Potter film series or Lady Gaga’s music, you have every right not to like either of them and express your opinion on them however you please. Regardless of how popular these things are or how much money they have made, the way they make you feel when you watch and/or listen to them, make you come to whatever conclusion you come to, thus helping you form an informed opinion on them. At the end of the day, no one can force you into liking something, so if someone tells you ‘you’re wrong for not liking Harry Potter or Lady Gaga’ – they are wrong; there’s no right or wrong answers when it comes to what you like or dislike in that respect, especially when you’ve sat and watched all 8 HP films and listened to each and every one (if not most) of Gaga’s songs, and they continue to let you down, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, you’re not offending anyone (well maybe no one but the writers, producers, actors etc, and few die hard fans haha.)

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REPOST: I remember years ago, someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love… I didn’t.

Yes that’s right; I quoted and remixed Shontelle’s – Impossible! But it’s the truth; most people advise everyone else to go into relationships (or anything for that matter) with low expectations and what not. This defence mechanism; is used to prevent people from getting hurt or disappointed as much as they would if they took these things on with the highest of expectations.

However, I noticed people mistaking the whole low expectations thing for putting in little or no effort. Instead of not getting way over their heads, they just don’t bother with whatever it is as much as they should do. For example; getting into an argument with a lover; instead of trying to resolve it – they just don’t bother; it’s a shame that so many people already underestimate the power of conversation; but purposely depriving a relationship of communication because they don’t expect a comeback after a heated argument is even sadder. What was the point of getting into it, if a quick end would satisfy you?

The way I see it, whether you go in full throttle or hold back, if it’s real - you’re going to get hurt anyway. When you get hurt, it may feel like it, but it be won’t the end of the world; chances are you will get hurt again, and again. There’s nothing wrong with feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom every now and again; I mean the only place from there is up right? There’s nothing wrong with taking risks; I guarantee you will miss out on so many wonderful things if you don’t take any. I’d rather risk it all be loved and love a little too much; than risk nothing, miss out on being loved and never falling in love. 

I’m the type of guy who won’t get involved with someone unless they’re ‘the one’ or better yet someone I have really strong feelings for. I just don’t see the point or need for a whole coach full of ex’s; it can and most probably will cause a tonne of problems for someone in the long run; it could also be beneficial though; to an extent (experience wise) – any who, because I behave this way; I find it much easier to let go of any insecurities; any doubts, anything that prevents growth and positivity in my relationships. I plan on being with whomever for as long as possible, therefore I’d want as much optimism as possible; we won’t get anywhere with a long list of doubts and low expectations would we?

If you’re afraid of getting hurt, why not find someone who makes you feel a lot more secure? Why are you wasting your time with someone who causes you to think so negatively? If you’ve tried resolving it maturely and no progress is made, then out the door is the best way I say; unless you’re solely in it for sex and/or money; that’s a whole different story haha. Most of the people, who promote this low expectations bull in relationships, are in and out of relationships like a dick in a bum during anal sex. Can their opinions really be that valid?

You know what really grinds my gears? Tumblr Edition Pt. 2

1. Pictures of anorexic girls in short shorts, with anything over 1000 notes. Unless we’re trying to make everyone aware of eating disorders, I do not follow the popularity of these images. Evidently, many girls think the incredibly skinny look will make them beautiful; whatever floats your boat. But unless you want to attract paedophiles, the 12 year old boy look won’t do you any favours.

2. Posting things like “I’ve just lost 2 followers, I see you; f*ck you – your un-follow doesn’t faze me” – give it a rest; we all know you’re distraught. 

3. When someone sends themselves anonymous messages; asking for advice or complimenting/insulting themselves – most of the time it’s SO obvious! Talk about being sad and lonely. 

4. Reading things like “Everyone on Tumblr is so pretty, makes me feel ugly” – beauty is man made my friend, you are man aren’t you? Now stop complaining, no one feels sorry for you.

5. Blog titles like fuckyeahcuteBLACKgirls (for example) – why does their skin colour have to come into play? So blogs full of cute White girls can be called ‘fuckyeahcutegirls’ but any other race has to insert their race in the title? Puppycock! If a blog like ‘beautifulmen’ (not the actual blog; just an example) – can mislead and only post images of ‘hot’ White men, then so can any other blog. 

6. Several posts about overweight girls and how they’re ‘just as beautiful as or even better than every other kind of girl’ – we get it, a girl can be beautiful regardless of her size or shape… but comparing them to every other girl does more harm than good.

7. Images of those less fortunate than us with text saying “stop posting all of your hipster stuff and have a heart, reblog this” – shut up please.

8. Those blatantly made up iPhone auto correct conversations; the first few were funny; the rest, not so much.

9. ‘Staff Blog’ prize announcement viruses. I’ve probably been on Tumblr less than most of the accounts I see them on, yet I’m not stupid enough to enter my details on a watermark log in page placed above a strangers blog. I pity the fool.

10. Self harm images uploaded by the person harming themselves. You harm yourself because you want to be noticed? You want to be noticed because you’re sick and tired of being an outcast/loser or better yet, unnoticed? Do you think uploading vile pictures of cuts across your arms will do much for your popularity? You need help. Get off the internet, seek help and once back on your feet, do something constructive that will get you noticed for all the right reasons. 

11. When people send messages saying “sorry about reblogging everything from your blog” or “don’t get mad if I reblog everything off your blog” - I’m sorry, did I miss something here? You’ve acknowledged my blog and you admire its content, what on earth is there to be sorry about? Heck, 9/10 people (if not all) you come across on Tumblr are attention seekers anyway. 

I’m so bored of reading things like “Everyone on Tumblr is so pretty, makes me feel ugly” etc

What so many people fail to understand is that the idea of beauty is man made; you are man aren’t you?

What people find beautiful differs everywhere - there’s nothing wrong with that. If you think long hair, bright eyes and a slim and slender body is beautiful, and you have none of those things, who’s fault is that? Why should we feel sorry for you because you choose to latch on to preconceived ideas of beauty? So stereotypically good looking folk should hide in the shadows because of your insecurities? Seems a bit far-fetched if you ask me.

Why should anyone tell you you’re beautiful when you’re going to deny it because you don’t posses any of the attributes stated earlier? It’s not our job to care unfortunately; that’s for your lover/friends and family to deal with. Furthermore; why do you care so much about what others think about you? That sort of mind frame will not do you any favours, take my word for it.

I can’t tell you what to find beautiful; and that’s because our ideas of beauty are solely our opinions. Remember that your opinion does not have to be the same as everyone else’s. 

X

When racial preferences become obsessions; you’ve got yourself a problem.

I couldn’t date a girl who says she only dates Black and Mixed race (for example) guys. I mean, each to their own - preferences are preferences, but I’ve noticed – a lot of the time - those with racial preferences are the ones who cheat the most. Bear in mind I’m not saying everyone with a racial preference has or will cheat; I’m speaking solely from my experiences.

Their preferences get in the way of everything. Instead of just seeing a beautiful girl/boy; they see beautiful Black/Mixed (for example) girls/boys. They become so obsessed with the colour of one’s skin that nearly every other physical feature and/or personality trait is ignored e.g. the incredibly common stereotypical White teen mother chasing after the slightly older dead beat Black father who occasionally goes back for the sex. The better looking the girl/boy; the more likely they’d want to be with him and would do almost anything to be with her/him, cheating included. They end up lusting/craving others with their ideal skin colour. While those who are just attracted to their idea of ‘good looks’, are attracted to just that, and don’t get excited about it, because they see past colour and tend to focus on smaller things that aren’t always essential (I know this won’t stop them from cheating in general, but that is not my point) – many of us are shallow at the end of the day, and tend to prefer certain physical features; but in terms of skin colour – it can (not saying it always will) – come across as racist. I know a few people who are very attracted to Black people and are ‘revolted’ by (in their own words) White people, and vice versa. It is definitely a very ambiguous topic; because some just can’t help how they feel – that being said, it doesn’t make it right/acceptable – especially when those views are often shoved in our faces. Sticks and stones I guess.

Anyway, thankfully I do know a few people who see beauty in every skin colour, or better yet, are colour blind - call it what you want; that sort of open-mindedness is so attractive to me because they are very likely to be open minded to a whole lot of other things.

Once again, this does not apply to everyone with skin colour preferences; just the majority of the people I’ve met/conversed with (a few thousand – true story). And I mean to cause no offence with anything I’ve said.

You know what really grinds my gears? (Public transport edition)

Most of the things I hate about public transport (buses, trams, trains, underground tube etc)

1. When the bus/train/tube is pretty empty (several free seats) but some twat comes and sits beside me anyway. I know I smell like roses and all but this is totally unacceptable.

2. That one attention seeker who speaks incredibly loud, for reasons unbeknownst to us all. I can only assume they do this so everyone on the bus knows about their business.

3. You know when there’s that biker who takes their sweet time in the bus lane – Especially when in a rush? They should thank whoever they believe in I am not a bus driver; I’d mow them down the first chance I get.

4. Falling in love with a stranger I know I’ll never see again. 

5. Someone eating something that smells scrumptious while I’m sitting there chewing gum.

6. When an extremely over weight person sits beside me; or should I say ‘on’ me ¬_¬

7. Those inconsiderate morons who play music out aloud; not only is the music crap 9 times out of 10, but it’s played out of the worst device imaginable; a fuzzy, outdated mobile phone.

8. When people – mainly foreigners – rush to get on an EMPTY bus; dude… you will get a seat, take a chill pill, or three.

9. Someone having a verbal battle over the phone; the profanity, the crappy English and all of that spit flying about… not cool.

10. When I walk onto a bus/train/tube and I see a couple; they both stare, but the male continues to stare until I sit down; what is this? Do you want the dick fella?

11. That thoughtless individual who refused to brush his/her teeth or put on deodorant in the morning. 

12. When someone sits beside me and pretty much sexually harasses me by pressing up against me. It’s probably the Lynx effect.

13. That fool who’s pretty much sticking out of their seat making it compulsory for me to have to say “excuse me” in the fakest polite voice ever.

14. The bus driver taking his/her sweet time when I’m in a rush but rushing when I’m not fussed; what’s up with that? 

15. Someone eating the foulest smelling food.

16. A peaceful journey interrupted by a bunch of drunks, or just a herd of loud, hyped up cunts.

17. Bumping into someone when I look like cow dung.

101 Stereotypes

Mostly negative stereotypes - bear in mind, I do not agree with any of these, I am simply putting them out there to show people how ridiculous they sound when they come to these conclusions about others.

I spent a fortnight being nosey and listening to what people often said about others on the grounds of race, sexuality, gender/sex etc and used it to come up with these very common stereotypes.

1. White people are racist

2. Black people love chicken

3. Asians are bad drivers

4. Muslims are terrorists

5. Only hoes can run in heels

6. Gay boys fancy everyone that is male

7. Jamaicans grow up without knowing their fathers

8. Nigerians are scam artists

9. Ghanaians are really dark skinned

10. Black people who speak standard English are ‘acting White’

11. White people who speak in slang are ‘acting Black’

12. Everyone who listens to rap music turns into a thug

13. Black people cannot swim

14. White people smell the same

15. Guys who wear skinny jeans are homosexuals

16. Single mothers are solely out for benefits

17. 2 gay parents will make gay children

18. Lesbians use dildos for pleasure

19. Men who are over 21, still live in the family home and don’t drive, are lazy

20. Women belong in the kitchen

21. Tomboy’s are lesbians

22. Men should be breadwinners

23. Every Latino has a mole on their face

24. Someone who sleeps around definitely has an STD

25. Religious folk are homophobic

26. Religion is the cause of all evil

27. Old White people are racist

28. Old people are grumpy

29. Black men crave White woman

30. White women crave Black men

31. Priests are paedophiles

32. Fat people are lazy

33. African women look like men

34. Mixed race girls are sluts

35. Good looking people are stuck up

36. All smokers will die early

37. Lesbians are butch

38. Asians only date their own

39. Gay men love Kylie Minogue and/or Beyonce

40. Jewish people have big noses

41. Paedophiles are old and White

42. Single mothers will raise terrible children

43. Black people love watermelon

44. The Chinese/Japanese look exactly the same

45. All Kenyan’s can run long distances

46. White and Asian men have small penises

47. Black men have big penises

48. White people smell like wet dogs

49. Light skinned Black people think they’re better than dark skinned Black people

50. Black women have huge bums

51. White women have flat bums

52. People who smoke weed will have several problems in future

53. Black women have short hair, if any

54. Spanish and Mexican’s are always cleaners

55. All Black women wear weave

56. Muslims have to marry who they’re told to marry

57. If an Asian child got less than an A on any test in school, they are severely punished

58. All men are cheaters

59. White women have huge breasts

60. If you don’t go to university you will be a failure

61. Asian people smell like sharpener dust

62. Most negative things happen to Black folk, because they’re Black

63. Foreigners come over from their countries with the intention of stealing jobs

64. Africans are the only people who eat with their hands

65. Good looking people are stupid

66. Lesbian relationships won’t last unless a dildo is involved

67. Most gay men have STDs

68. People who abort are heartless

69. Black girls are loud and rude

70. Men who have been single for a long time - or all their life – must be gay

71. Black people think they’re better than everyone else

72. White people think they’re better than everyone else

73. Mixed race people think they’re better than everyone else

74. Asian people think they’re better than everyone else

75. Latino/Hispanic people think they’re better than everyone else

76. White people fear Black people

77. Gay people are a bad influence

78. Women who don’t want kids are greedy

79. If a man doesn’t see his child(ren) often or at all, it has to be his fault

80. A single mother is always better than a single father

81. When a Black person comes into your shop, you’re getting robbed

82. If a child sees something gay on TV, they will become gay over night

83. A man who does all of the domestic stuff is a man wasted

84. Only real women have curves; the rest are fake

85. Boys who wear Uggs are gay

86. Dress differently from the norm and you are gay

87. White people cannot dance

88. If you’re drenched in tattoos you’ll remain jobless forever

89. People with tattoos only have them to fit in

90. Men do everything better than women

91. If you take a lot of pictures of yourself, you’re conceited

92. Male hairdressers are gay

93. Girls who take half naked pictures of themselves must be sluts

94. Having blonde hair and blue eyes instantly makes you beautiful

95. Young Black folk are destined to be thugs

96. Women “take care” men “take charge”

97. Blondes are dumb

98. Being gay is a phase

99. All Jamaicans smoke weed

100. If you’re on social network sites, you have no life

101. Teen parents couldn’t possibly live a good life after having their kids

There are loads more I could think of, but I don’t want to be here forever.

Some credit goes to my Twitter chums: @AsToldByEggy @INKS0MNIA @JakeMacpherson @ImJustRahiem @_ViolentHugs @HendrixNash @LickYourFace_ @Stefferz123 @NatashaAth 

So I spent a lovely evening at the MOBO (Music of Black origin) nominations party and got the chance to mingle with some of the UK’s current artists as well an array of other special guests.

Among the guest list was 2 out of 3 of N-Dubz; Dappy and Fazer, Tinchy Stryder, X-Factor’s Belle Amie, TOWIE’s Lauren’s, Bunmi Mojekwu (Mercy from Eastenders), girl band Ruff Diamondz, Wretch 32, Adam Deacon, Scorcher, Mz Bratt and many many more.

Now personally I am not much of a fan of celebrities in general, and I’ve never really supported any UK acts, solely because I felt - not too long ago - everything sounded the same and everyone looked the same. The repetitiveness really put me off, so for a while I didn’t pay much attention to what was going on in the music industry at home (in the UK).

That being said, 2011 especially has been an amazing year for some of our own; e.g. Adele’s number one and record smashing album ‘21’, Wretch 32’s debut number one album and the international success of stars like Tinie Tempah and Jessie J; evidently our home grown acts are just getting started. Overall I’m sure the majority of us have been aware of this change and I in particular have taken a sudden interest in UK artists.

My experience at the celeb packed party was amazing and alone has changed my view on several stars; bear in mind I won’t suddenly become naive – I’m sure everyone was told how to act, nor will I become obsessed with particular artists (it’s not really my style) but I will pay much more attention and show much more support to many UK acts; upcoming and already up there.

Low-key relationships; yay or nay?

I’m a man who loves his low key relationships, but lately I’ve wondered whether they have been the cause for the demise in the majority of my relationships. I mean, as much as I love the privacy and the freedom to do what I like with my partner without people knowing and butting in all of the time, I’ve noticed that a long term low key relationship can be – like every other relationship to be honest - incredibly hard to maintain; especially when your other half attracts a load of attention.

I remember regularly speaking to a girl I ‘met’ on Facebook not too long ago.

We had so much in common and she was hilarious, we got a long like a house on fire. It was a good few months getting to know her, when suddenly I received a message from her supposed boyfriend telling me to ‘stay away’ from his girlfriend and to stop harassing her via Facebook message. Bear in mind she sent the first message after she sent a friend request and I accepted her; also 9 times out of 10 she would send the first message (which would usually be followed by an array of messages from both parties) – in fact, the only time I remember actually sending a message first is when I was checking up on her after one of her status updates was quite worrying.

Any who, after receiving the message I laughed it off and found that I was deleted minutes later (so I thought) – but it turned out she deactivated her account which I noticed the next day when she uploaded an image of her kissing a random bloke (obviously her over protective boyfriend).

The whole thing was quite odd, it was all happening so fast haha, I mean – she mentioned nothing about having a boyfriend or being in any sort of relationship, also her Facebook relationship status was nowhere to be seen and she often spoke about how lonely she was and joked about how I should come and keep here company etc so I safely assumed she was single. That all being said, my intentions weren’t to get with her, not yet anyway (otherwise I definitely would’ve asked about her relationship status straight away) – I just wanted to get to know her better and she expressed the same interest.

Before I blocked and deleted her I sent her a message about how confused I was and how fucked up her relationship must be if she resorts to messaging random boys she finds attractive when she ‘feels lonely’ – I also said ‘how the fuck was I supposed to know you were taken when you failed to mention it?‘ Especially when she heavily implied she was single. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I made an honest mistake, so the reaction from her boyfriend and the unexplained disappearing act from her were both totally unnecessary.

Overall, I want to know how other people deal with situations like this, if they’ve ever been in them. Those of you in down low relationships; how low can you go before you lose control over what’s going on? Is it easier to sneak around when no one knows you’re with someone? And do you think it is ok to blame someone for meddling in your relationship even though no one knows about it to begin with?

You’d have to have a hell of a lot of trust in your partner for such a relationship to survive.

Also, how do those of you outside looking in feel about being attacked by someone’s other half over a blatant misunderstanding? Would you take it on the chin or attack? I mean, to an extent it’s understandable, but at the same time very unfair.

You know what* really grinds my gears? (2011) – Part 1

1. That mixed Nigerian, American, English accent famous Nigerians (especially) always seem to have.

2. Job hunting. I’ve applied for over 100 different positions and have received less than 10 responses (all negative by the way)

3. Twitter jail (even though I’ve been introduced to several loop holes) – “You are over the daily limit for sending Tweets. Please wait a few hours and try again.” - I know it was put in place to fend off spammers etc, but it is still uber annoying. Especially when I’m in the middle of an interesting conversation or debate.

4. Those individuals who spend all of their time insulting a particular group of people, whether that be related race, sexuality, religion etc. These are the secret racists and homophobes (and potential homosexuals) etc that we should be staying well clear of. They disguise their foul views and seriousness with ‘LOLs’ and so on but they can’t fool me.

5. When customers take their time on the self checkouts. This just takes the piss. Especially when the queue is quite lengthy. If you can’t operate the machine, go and line up in one of the normal queues, they are much more user friendly. Why waste yours and everyone else’s time by slowing everything down?

6. When someone who enhances/ manipulates their pictures, claims everything is natural. Who do you think you are fooling? These days the majority dabble in a bit of Photoshop therapy, therefore fakery can be easily spotted. Unless you’re trying to impress someone with FALSE ADVERTISING, why must you lie?

7. When people complain about the lack of individualism, as if it’s a crime. Fair enough it can get annoying. But wagon jumping is human nature and can actually be quite beneficial for those who find it hard to fit in (in general) – finding solace in a group of people with similar interests (even if those aren’t really the interests of a certain individual) can help build confidence amongst other things.

8. JLS aka the gay power rangers. They went from moderately cool to cringe worthy in-between albums. I admit I have a few tracks from their first album on my iPod, but their new material has been terrible from the get go. They have lost what little respect I once had for them, shame on you GayLS.

9. OFTGKWA (or whatever the hell they are called) and their duped fans! Their ‘movement’ annoys the hell out of me, and this is coming from a very negative guy. I rate them for reeling you all in though, more money for them. I know several of their diehard fans follow me, but frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. 

10. The media trying to force us to love fat people and hate skinny people. Equal rights for everyone, let’s hate them both. Slim, toned and curvy FTW.

11. People running around having unprotected sex because abortion is now much more widely accepted… Umm, ever heard of an STD? You can do what you like in the bedroom, it’s your life – but remember it takes two to tango. If you are running around sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry – and they go off to do the same thing with other people, your business could very well become everyone’s business if you know what I mean. Wear a condom you dumb dumb.

12. When a girl claims she’s into ‘deep’ blokes and has no time for the stereotypical pretty boy. When in actual fact she spends most of her time trying to get the superficial pretty boys attention, whilst ignoring everyone else.

13. When people eat fast food or play loud music on the bus. Seriously? Come on man.  Show some consideration to others.

14. The way some drivers completely ignore the rules of the zebra crossing and refuse to stop when someone is ready and waiting. One has to wonder how the hell they passed their driving tests.

15. Those who complain about others who are always negative. It’s easy to remain positive in life when you have everything you want/need isn’t it. Pssh.

That’s part one done! Part 2 and Tumblr edition (2011) soon come. If you haven’t already, check out last year’s ‘You know what really grinds me gears?’ posts here:

2010

Tumblr Edition 2010

Peace!

NEW BLOG LAYOUT GOING UP AT 6PM TONIGHT!

Tell a friend to tell a friend! Surely I can’t be the only one who’s excited? Haha.

I have also conjured up plans for video blogging - which I hope to start in mid September (I’ve just got to brush up on my video editing).

Any who, I’m sure you all remember how my first ever Tumblr layout looked:

This was my favourite until I designed my latest one (come back here at 6pm!)

And you’re obviously all aware of my current/summer temp:

If you loved these, you’re going to love my next one! I might put up a preview later on. Any who, a long with the layout change I hope to change my actual blog drastically. The content will will be a lot more personal/original (I know I’ve said this plenty of times but this time I mean it) and also I want to start showcasing/advertising talented artists/events etc. 

But don’t worry, I will continue to post my favourite news stories, random pictures I take here, there and everywhere, my favourite quotes and Youtube videos etc. 

I don’t want my ex to be the best I ever had, but these new chicks just can’t keep up!

Have you ever been in a situation where you make time for someone who doesn’t really make time for you? Especially when you’re just getting to know them; which arguably is supposed to be some of the best moments you share with them? But because of the lack of pretty much everything, this isn’t the case. Instead you’re just picking up their bad habits, stressing yourself out because you don’t want to seem like a pest, and making yourself believe you’re wasting your time and theirs.

Now I’m not talking about fancying someone who doesn’t fancy you by the way, I’m talking about a mutual thing, where both sides have made it clear they’re interested in each other and want to get to know each other. I’m rarely ever in a situation where I’m as interested in someone as they are with me, so I do tend to read things wrong every now and again, the whole thing is puzzling.

When I put in the effort, I’m shunned, ignored or noticed half heartedly, it hurts like hell, but I get the message and I take a step back, I distance myself etc – but then they complain that I’m inattentive; what the actual fuck? It’s a lose/lose situation. I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t put much effort into anything, and when I finally do it’s thrown back in my face!

The one girl I had very strong feelings for about 3 years ago used to have to fight for my attention (which I regret so much) – but now because of how distant I was with her, she won’t even speak to me anymore, which is perfectly understandable. I have so much love and respect for her and I wish I wasn’t such a prick towards her at the time – I really hope she finds a man who really deserves her! Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, I never used be as attentive as I am now – I never used to make any phone calls to tell my girl that I’m thinking about her, I never used to arrange dates and attempt to make my girl feel special, I was nothing but a selfish little boy with ridiculous insecurities. Now I’m the complete opposite and I still can’t get it right?

Hmm, maybe it’s just karma?

Either way, I’m sick of it – and I don’t see the point of wasting my time trying to sail a sinking ship – if the feelings aren’t mutual then that’s a shame; I don’t want my ex to be the best I ever had, but these new chicks just can’t keep up!

Do you believe in love at first sight?

So this morning I asked my Twitter followers to RT if they believe/do not believe in love at first sight, and surprisingly the majority (in fact everyone but one follower) said they do not believe in love at first sight. By love at first sight I don’t mean simply locking eyes with a stranger and falling in love, I mean spending a moment with them, not too long or too short – but enough to get an idea about who they are/what they are about.

I find myself almost feeling bad for the people who say that they do not believe in love at first sight because I have to assume they’ve never met a person and just “got” them (which is such a beautiful thing by the way) – it’s quite a complex topic which is definitely open to ambiguity. Sure if it’s your first moment together and you barely know each other it’s questionable - I mean it may just be a nice bond etc - but when you’ve been alone for such a long time then you finally meet someone who instantly fills that void, those circumstances change a lot for you. Plus I’m sure some people have been in situations where they have acted on their feelings and ended up spending most of their lives (if not the rest) with those they fell in love with at first sight.

I guess overall it’s down to the individual, I mean some people don’t believe in Eros love anyway – so it will always remain a debatable subject. I don’t blame individuals for not believing in it, until of course they experience it - which is not guaranteed. It’s quite similar to debates about religion and sexuality e.g. is God real, or is sexuality a choice etc? There will always be different views as we all have different experiences; but I personally will always be a firm believer in love at first sight – as I have experienced it (just the once).

I guess the real question here is what is love?

You know when people say things like “Facebook ruins relationships” etc; do they know how silly they sound?

Don’t get me wrong, I know it can play a part in entailing the death of friendships/relationships and so on – but that’s only if you allow it to.

Now before I tell you why I think this, I want you to know I’m speaking in general, not for everyone – I am aware that some relationships have genuinely suffered at the hands of Facebook (figuratively speaking) – so I don’t want any random individual experiences as a response to this e.g. “but it f*cked up my relationship so you’re wrong” – no; your relationship doesn’t speak for everyone else’s.

Any way, to the point, as you know there are several things that make a relationship; trust or the development of trust being one of them. In my experience, the lack of trust or jealousy has always been the number one cause for relationship problems spanned from an individual’s actions on Facebook. Now if you caught your other half speaking to another boy/girl in an inappropriate manner or something, then fair enough – you have every right to be angry/upset – but why blame Facebook, I don’t get it? Is it because it offers features where people can sneak around discreetly? If so, then you have a point there, to an extent; but you also have to remember that Facebook doesn’t encourage this sort of behaviour, the individual knows exactly what he/she is doing – and if you feel you can’t trust whoever you’re with because of this, then you either need to sit down with your partner and discuss the problem(s), ignore the problem(s), or just get up and leave. Save yourself the extra stress.

Which brings me to my next point; if you’re the problem – and you have trust issues, how is Facebook to blame exactly? I know how you feel – I’ve been through it, I’ve seen my ex add/accept better looking boys, and like their pictures etc – it’s a kick in the nuts; it made me jump to conclusions – but that’s only because I let it; keyword being I. I let it get to me, I made it into something that it wasn’t, I used it as an excuse for my jealous rants etc, and as result I lost something special – guess what I blamed it on? Yeah that’s right, Facebook. I allowed a social networking site to destroy something that could have blossomed into the greatest love story. Do you see what I’m getting at here?

Why are some of us giving social network sites like Facebook, so much power? When you look at what makes the ‘perfect’ relationship – social networking doesn’t come to mind (well I hope it doesn’t otherwise you’re a little messed up) – so why are we blaming the tool when we should be blaming the people using it? I see people saying things like “I will get my next boyfriend/girlfriend to delete his/her Facebook” etc – are you really that afraid of a website? Are you seriously going to let a website inflict so much fear and doubt on your relationship?

Overall, like I said – I know some people actually use the site and its features to sneak around and engage in conversations and other things that their partners might not agree with – but for the majority of us who simply fear the possibility of this sort of thing, due to trust issues, jealousy or anything else of relation – you really need to think about where you and your relationship are heading and whether or not it can survive something bigger; don’t let such minor things dictate such a beautiful thing.